just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
