in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
