? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
