We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
