so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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