she woke up with a sticky ear
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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