Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
