scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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