You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
