I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
