i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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