yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
