if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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