I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
