Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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