The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
