Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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