Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize