goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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