Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
