I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
