Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
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nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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