Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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