shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
