I need help removing her.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
