Buhtt sex?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I love having hate sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
