I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
