i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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