if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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