what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
