Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
