The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
