So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
