Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
