he shaved USA in his pubs
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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