Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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