It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
