those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
