I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
