Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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