I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
