I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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