my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Say something about gay babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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