Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
