Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
