Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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