ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
