I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
