I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
