Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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