yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
