hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
