I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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