Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Green mimosas i think yes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
