I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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