you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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