I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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