I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
