what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
