So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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